The View Has Changed

It's been a long time since I've hiked a mountain; the ascend was steep, uneven, narrow, and triggered a few memories. The trail ahead looked familiar, but when I turned around to see where I came from, the view has changed.

Instead of bare earth and rock, I saw cement walls and rooftops. Replacing creeks and lakes were swimming pools, large and small. Scattered trees in place of dense greenery. Nitrogen oxides in the ozone limited my view, and could no longer see as far as my eyes could see. The amount of people present also prevented the feeling of complete solitude. For a time, I felt like I was at an outdoor gym.

The view has changed, indeed. Yet, there was a certain charm to the fact that within a couple of turns out of the parking lot, I was on the main road, minutes away from a hot shower and a good breakfast.

But there is no replacing the raw nakedness and innocence of nature. For now I will be happy with whatever amount of nature am blessed with. Shrubs, dirt, smog. The view has changed, indeed. But only for now.

Dodging Bullets

Oh Boy! I have been lucky this week.

Read about my car accident? Well, it was my first "not at fault" accident and did not get all the information I needed to file a claim. We were both running late for class and with all the people honking behind us, we agreed to discuss insurance later and just exchanged phone numbers.

Boy did I get yelled at from my family! I am too trusting they said. "There is no way she's going to call and give her insurance now!" Haunted by how I would come up with the money to fix my car, I waited anxiously for her to call me back. Luckily, she did. I received a call from her insurance today accepting liability.

Also today, I received an email from my sister who was told by a friend to look into the new Stimulus Package. We have been really pressed to find me good, affordable health insurance by April, when coverage ends, along with my mom's employment. Individual insurance is painstakingly expensive. And to continue our current insurance by COBRA would cost us $830/month!

Then I looked into the new Stimulus Package and read about the Subsidized Cobra Package. To get right to the happy ending, my mom qualified for the Subsidy and the government will pay for 65% of our COBRA, leaving us to pay only 35% - a very good deal when it means I can keep the same doctors, and have the confidence in knowing I have the same coverage. 35% turns out to be cheaper than individual insurance as well.

Phew. I am greatful to the power that's pulling me aside, enabling me to dodge these bullets.

Thank you Father.

Do You Have This In A Smaller Size?

I've been wanting to buy a summer dress for a while now; so finally, I walked into Brea Mall today. Interesting thing happened when I started to grab all these clothes and headed off to fit them...they were too big!

All my hard work is starting to pay off. All the soreness, the stiffness, the pushing myself to the limits; all the pain started to become distant memories as I uttered one of the sweetest questions known to humankind: Do you have this in a SMALLER size?

Are You a College Student?

You know you are a college student when:

• You lose track of what day it is. It does not matter, each day is the same - the day that you do homework.
  
• The concept of the "weekend break" is completely lost to you. "Saturday? Oh, you mean homework day?"
• You keep telling yourself: "Sleep is for the weak! Real students take naps!" - that should motivate you to stay up another hour.
  
• When you finally do get to take that nap, the birds outside your window are chirping loudly, welcoming the sun.
  
• Alcohol is the new water.
• Your main food groups are coffee and take-out.
• Your e-mail's inbox is full of correspondence from professors and classmates.
  
• Your day planner is the only thing keeping you from being insane.
• Looking at your day planner makes you want to become insane.

The best years of our lives? It better not be!

The Bell Rings

When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.
Jer 31:13

The Bell Rings

She went up a mountain in search of me,
Not knowing I never left her.
She only had to listen
For I had been calling her.
She was not ready.
Eager to find me, but rendered by guilt,
She was angry for a long time. Resentful of me.
Then she became empty. Dry.

The Bell Rings

I spoke to her through her peers,
Two in particular.
I told one to speak of the most hurtful of all loves -
Unrequited Love.
I love all my children, including her,
Although they do not love me in return.
I love all my children,
Even though they ignore me, forget me, deny me.

I told the other to speak of my love -
Unconditional.
I am always here with my children,
Despite that they only turn to me in times of need.

The Bell Rings

She walks outside,
Breathing the crisp mountain air.
She finds herself alone
Where the road bends.
She rests against a stone wall,
A lamp post lights my word.
She is in deep thought,
Overwhelmed with my love.
She cries.
Her heart is full,
She calls to me in prayer.

Heavenly Father,
I have been wretched,
Blamed you for all my misfortunes.
I realize that they were just part of the journey you planned for me.
I trust you.
Lead me father,
I will follow.
I don't deserve forgiveness
But I ask for it.
I am sorry for leaving you out of my life
Please forgive me.
I ask that you enter my heart again
Fill me with your love.
I ask of you,
Let me be your daughter.

My dear daughter,
I never left you.
And know this,
I already forgave you.
You only need to forgive yourself.
I have been waiting for you
To open your heart to me
I welcome you.
I love you.

Present-filled Moment

Who honored me with Christmas presents? What did they give me? Most of the gifts can be accounted for at this very moment...

Right now, I am admiring the newest addition to my art collection (from T. Buds), while listening to Alvin, Simon, and Theodore sing Here Comes Santa Clause (from A. Ben), and uploading pictures to my jump drive (from A. Ben). I am being kept warm by a portable heater (from T. Buds) and a University of Utah sweater (from Klasina). Planning my outfit for tomorrow, I am desperately trying to fit in my alfalfa weave bag (from T. Buds); but, realize my other bag (from Yoshika) would be a more suitable pairing with my headband (from Linda).

During this late hour, as I contemplate where to place my 2008 Utah Life Calendar (From T. Kroesche), I suddenly crave a Peppermint White Mocha. Is it worth it to brave the strong Santa Ana winds and use my Starbucks gift cards (from Char and R. Buck)? That means I'd have to change out of my pajamas! Hmm, lazy vs addiction - this is the rarest of occasions - being thankful to be lazy; laziness actually being the better characteristic.

New plan: get ready for bed and unwind - by means of my Ipod Nano (from T. Buds).

Thank you family and friends. I cannot wait for another year with you all!

Love,
ME

Time Did Not Stop for Me

I took my first steps outside today; seeing the sun for the first time in 72 hours. I felt the warmth of the sun graze my skin as I was welcomed back into society.

My life was put on hold for 3 days; time continued. I got up thinking, wishing it was Sunday afternoon; but, in reality it was Wednesday. 3 days had passed me by, and I was helpless against all of it.

This was not the first incident that time left me behind. 2 years ago, life paused.

2 years ago...

Hmm. 2 years, that's an improvement. Realizing how much my life has actually changed, now I should focus on how much time has actually gone by without pausing my life.

A newfound confidence; liberated from fear.

Dear Time,

Don't stop for me. I will catch up.
I always have.
I always will.

Ode to My Recent Companion

All my other friends were unavailable,

He was there 24 hours of every day.

All my other friends would say “congrats” on better health,

He would be honest and remind me “there’s more work to be done.”

He is reliable and consistent.

I turn from him weeks at a time;

Yet, he welcomes me as if I never left.

He provides shelter against fire and ash;

And a sanctuary from boredom.

A rekindled relationship

With my companion,

Gym.

When did snack time become so complicated?

It's a rainy Saturday morning and I found myself in a grocery store looking for a product suitable for a marketing project. Walking up and down each isle is making me hungry! I decided to get myself a snack.

Standing in the middle of the “Snack Time” isle at VONS, I contemplated which snack to buy. One end of the isle was full of chocolates, at the opposite end, there were chips and popcorn. I found myself lingering right in the middle where I was torn between cookies and nuts.

Cannot imagine how much time I spent standing there. Peanuts, cashews, walnuts, pistachios, almonds, and mixed nuts. Oreos, Chips Ahoy, Peppridge Farm, Keebler, etc... I felt bombarded with choices; but, I know I can only blame myself as a variety-demanding consumer.

Then I remembered, just yesterday, a co-worker suggested I try Amaretto Milano Cookies (see amaretto posting). As I was reaching for the liqueur flavored cookies, my eye caught something else: Chocolate Raspberry. That's my two favorite things put together! SOLD!

I was walking out of the snack isle and found myself on the chocolate end. Why did I go in this direction? Seriously! But then, would I have been better off if I had passed through the popcorn end instead?

VONS did this on purpose! Trapping me. Lured me in for cookies and won't let me out unless I had chocolate or popcorn in stow. My marketing class was starting to make sense. Product placement really DOES matter. Darn you marketing research!

There was only one way out, buy the damn chocolate and run!